Stallion
by Brandy-Layne
Summary: Sometimes even dead bodies can make you laugh. Just a bit of fluff.


**AN: Just a bit of fluff - not my usual stuff. I just thought that these guys have such a serious job that every now and then they must come across something that just cracks them up. Hope you enjoy.**

Nick stood across the cold metal slab from Al Robbins, the resident coroner. Both of them were trying their hardest to avoid looking at the deceased man in front of them and avoid each others gaze as well. It was definitely poor taste to laugh at a dead body.

It had been an interesting case; that was for sure. Nick and Sara had been called to a double homicide and, upon entry to the crime scene, confronted one of their more, shall we say, memorable cases. Before them on the bed was a man and woman who had been murdered while they were….. busy. It would appear that the woman, who was on top, had had as spear from a spear gun shot through her back and then into her male lover below. Therefore, they were found joined; if you will, in more ways than one.

After the bodies had been removed and the scene swept for evidence, Nick and Sara returned to work trying so very hard to be discrete and respectful of the dead.

A few hours later they had both received a page from Doc Robbins that simply read 'GOT THEM APART – YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS'. Nick headed straight down to the morgue with Sara saying she would catch up in a few minutes.

Upon entering the morgue Nick saw exactly what it was that Al had wanted him to see. On one slab was the woman, covered in the sheet but obviously still in rigor state. However, it was the male DB that drew his eye. Nick, though a fairly naïve man, had seen his fair share of sexually explicit movies, but he doubted he had ever seen this before. On the table was an average looking man with the largest erect penis he had ever seen. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Sure is a sight to behold isn't it," Al responded. "In all my years as a coroner I have seen many, many strange things but I have to tell you, I have NEVER seen anything like this."

"That thing is … lethal," Nick exclaimed.

After the initial shock Nick and Al did their best to get back to the business at hand. It was this stage Sara decided to join them.

"Wow, STALLION!"

Nick and Al turned to Sara, both of them trying to hold back the blush that was creeping into their faces at her approach.

Sara, however, was showing no signs of embarrassment, "Bet you guys are feeling a little inadequate at the moment?"

Al nodded yes while Nick responded, "Nope." Both Sara and Al cocked an eyebrow at this comment.

"Excuse me?" Sara responded.

"Think about it Sar, you are on a date and things start to get hot and heavy, next thing you know you got this thing coming towards you. What do you do?"

Sara considered Nick's scenario and conceded defeat, "I suddenly come down with a headache or have an early start. No way is that getting any closer."

"Exactly! I can say with all honesty that no woman has ever gone running and screaming from me." Nick's grin was getting broader as he spoke.

"You know pointing and laughing is bad too, right?" She responded, her grin now a mirror of Nick's.

Turning their attention back to the body and Doc, who sported a wide grin of his own, they tried to compose themselves with only minor success.

"Doc, is there anyway we can … get rid of this? It's really distracting." Nick asked, indicating with his head but refusing to point.

"Unfortunately, no. Unlike limbs we can't dislocate this to lower it. I am afraid it is going to have to stay this way for a while." He explained.

"Won't that cause a problem with the… casket?" Sara asked. "I mean, I don't think they will be able to get the lid shut."

"Maybe they can drill a hole in the top," Nick suggested. By this stage all three were trying very hard to hold in the laughter that was threatening to spill out.

"Can you imagine Grandma's reaction to that when she comes up the front to pay her last respects?" Al's comment was the catalyst, as all three burst into peels of laughter.

Slowly they bought themselves under control. Wiping tears from their eyes they continued with the autopsy. Sara's phone rang. "Sidle…. Hey Jim….. oh OK I'll ask." Pulling the phone from her ear she advised Al, "Jim couldn't find any ID and they booked into the motel under a false name. He wants to know if there are any distinguishing features that he could describe to possible friends or family."

Nick responded, "Yeah he has a really big d…."

"I'm not telling him that!" Sara said fighting off the laughter.

"You must admit Sara, it is something that would stand out in your mind." Al agreed.

"Yeah, it's standing out as we speak," Nick's comment caused another round of laughter from the three.

Under control again Sara returned her attention to the phone call, "Ah Jim, he has one that may be unique….. well he has a ……. You see he is…… Just a sec, I'll put on Nick." Sara's face was now bright red as she thrust the phone at him. "I can't," she said, "I just can't"

Laughing again, Nick took the phone from her, "Jim…. Yeah, she is….. well you see the thing is he has a really big… penis….. No I am talking huge…. Really…… no really, I am looking right at it…… I am not kidding….. well try this, lay your arm on the table and make a fist, now bend you arm up at the elbow…. There you go…… I am serious… I have never seen anything like it… Well don't you think people will remember that, I sure as hell will... OK I'll ask," He pulled the phone from his ear, "He doesn't think that will be appropriate, is there anything else?"

Al cast his eye over the body, "There is a mole on the front of his neck, but that is about it."

Returning to his call, "There is a mole on the front of his neck…. Well it looks like a mole… no not particularly large…. Brown…. what other colour would it be?... no just round… no not overly large…. Jim, face it, it's the dick or nothing….. Ok well you have fun with that…. No I will not send you pictures, you will have to wait to get the report…. I am not joking, it is the biggest thing I have ever seen…. OK see ya." He closed the phone and handed back to Sara. "I don't think he believed me."

"OK, well I suppose we should get back to the lab," Sara said.

"I have to take a break, I can't continue working on him and bursting into giggles every 10 minutes, what would David think. Help me with this will you, Nick." Nick and Al grabbed a sheet and threw it over the body. Unfortunately, instead of giving the body a sense of modesty as was the want, it only managed to enhance the problem. The three of them stood back and surveyed the now covered body.

"Maybe we can all hide under there and jump out when Dave comes in," Nick suggested.

Sara hit Nick in the arm. "Do you want some help putting him in a draw Doc."

"I have my doubts I will get him in to be honest with you Sara." All three looked from the body to the steel drawers on the wall.

"Maybe if we tilt him?" Sara said. Again the three burst into uncontrollable laughter.

"Oh forget about it, he can stay here. I need a coffee. Would you both like to join me?"

Nodding their consent the three left the lab and spent the rest of their shifts trying to control the giggles that escaped every now and then leaving their workmates to wonder what had caused such normally stoic colleges to act in such an unprofessional manner. Unfortunately, their looks only made them laugh the harder.


End file.
